Saturday, January 6, 2007

Episode 411

We live in a city where everything is possible.

It is now possible for a celebrity blogger who is neither (i) beautiful (ii) talented nor (iii) smart to host a television show, while raving to the whole world that you've got a nose job (where in fact you only need to stand further away from the camera so that it would appear smaller).

It is now possible that if you can hum a few notes and concoct them into a tune, you can propel into instant super stardom even though (i) your possess a pancake-shaped face (ii) you don't have the body but insists on wearing vests that bare your under-developed arms and chest and (iii) your voice is so nauseatingly nasal it is more off-putting that hearing a celebrity booger rave about her nose job. (did I say booger - but it's a nose job after all.)

Click on picture for the ultimate patpong video (be forewarned - it's very tacky).

It is however, not possible to hail a cab from Wei's place on a Sunday evening. Not even when you're a celebrity booger, a pancake-faced artist or a member of the Patpong Pussycat Dolls. I'd see a dozen cabs whizz by with no intention of stopping even though they are available - the drivers would pretend not to see passengers waving frantically while they continue circling the block hoping to pick up a cab booking. I have every intention of throwing my co-worker Baja under the wheel to make cab stop. Don't worry, Baja is fat.

"These are times I wished I had a car." I grumbled to the boyfriend while waiting for a cab on a Sunday evening.

"But where are you going to park it?" Parking space is indeed considered scarce around Wei's house. I'd have more luck spotting talent from the pancake-face artist.

Once in a while I will retrieve my driver's license from my wallet and give it a good look - the license that hasn't been used since its conversion 2 good years ago from my Toronto G2 license. How cool it would be to speed down Toa Payoh Lorong 5 in your Beemer while waving sayonara to the middle-age couple crawling on a scooter? Or stopping at the Tiong Bahru Market for a packet of milo-beng while watching gaping-mouth aunties barely concealing their admiration? Okay, I'm actually cringing.

But unless you live in a city where public transportation sucked, you wouldn't think about getting a car. I wasn't thinking of getting one when I was living in Toronto; I just wanted to driver's license to that I could get access to the clubs without carrying my chunky passport (who goes to a club with a passport?!)

The fact that they've nicknamed the TTC (which stood for Toronto Transit Commission) as "Take The Car" goes to show how bad the public transportation system was (well maybe it still is). A cab ride from Chinatown to North York could set you back about CAD25 including tips (about SGD33.00) - that's the distance equivalent to taking the cab from Singapore's Chinatown to Yishun. Trains and buses don't operate till 9 on Sunday mornings. And waiting for a bus on a cold winter night is as good as having your fingers snipped off one by one. Torturous.

(to be continued)