Friday, July 13, 2007

If I were a Singaporean taking a plane, I'd:

… empty the entire bowl of mints at the immigration counter and repackage them as souvenirs for the relatives ("Oei, only can get in airport restricted area, hor!").

... secure rolls of toilet paper from the restrooms and luggage tags from the check-in counter. These can be used to wrap the mints.

… ask for a window seat "BEFORE the seat-belt sign is off" and then an aisle seat "AFTER the seat-belt sign is off" ("Can see plane taking off and later go toilet easier, mah.")

… insist on a toiletries bag even if it's a 45-minute ride to Kuala Lumpur.

... insist on a pillow and blanket under the pretense that I'm not feeling well. Make sure there's enough space in the hand carry luggage so that I can swipe them when no one's looking.

... swipe the barf bag. Makes a good lunch bag hor!

... memorize the evacuation instructions and test the life jacket by inflating it. Blow the whistle repeatedly until someone stops me.

... ask for Orange Juice, Apple Juice, Coke, Sprite, Ice-lemon tea, beer, red and white wine when the trolley comes around. Insist they start serving my row first.

... answer "chicken AND fish" when the flight attendant asks for my menu choice; ask for the vegetarian set as well (and insists it's available).

… demand an upgrade to First Class if I trade in my lunch/dinner.

... put "keep out" tape across the overhead luggage compartment so that no one else can put their filthy bags there ("Sekali their luggage got bird flu how?")

... paste packets of tissue paper over to "chope" the compartment if no tape is available.

... ask for a hot face towel every 10 minutes ("What?! SQ have, you don't have? Aiyoh!")

... take all the disposible toiletries from the toilet.

... press the service button every five minutes. When the flight attendant comes, I'll just tell them "Just making sure it's working / Can you turn down the air-con har?"

... drop whatever I'm doing and and adopt a foetal position when there's air turbulance.

... borrow the TV and earphones from my neighbour if he/she is not using it. Then can watch 2 movies, mah.

... ask how come there's no Channel 8 on the entertainment system. ("I want to watch 10pm news leh! How?", but do not use "Mediacorp drama serials" as a reason because really - who watches them anyway?)

... tape all the magazines together so no one can say that I'm hogging on to them. ("What? It's one big magazine mah! I only take ONE hor!")

... use my phone to shoot a video of how my seat, food, washroom, overhead luggage compartment looks like. Insist that the phone isn't interfering with the plane's signals since I'm only using the video function.

... climb over the seats so that I can be the first one to disembark when the aisles are packed with people..