Monday, October 29, 2007

Of Straws, Noses and Dr. Thio Li-Ann

Aah, those damn homosexuals. They must have nothing better to do than to shove straws up their noses and scream for equal rights. I'm telling you, you people are an ungrateful lot. You should be glad that we, the majority, are generous enough to give you some rights - the right to vote, the right to share the same work environment with people like us, and the right to go to the same swimming pools. Although I really don't think homosexuals should vote - they'll be voting for the MP with the nicest smile and hunkiest body! Honestly now - if that's the criterion, the PAP would have been booted out a million years ago.

So what's the bloody problem with you gays? It's three numbers and an alphabet, get over it. Are you people repealing against Sesame Street because the majority wants to retain some numbers and an alphabet? So now I'll have to tell my children that 4 comes after 2 and 8 comes after 6? And the first alphabet is B? That's ridiculous. That's why I fully support the criminalization of homosexuals; not only they like to stick straws up their noses, and they can't count and spell.

I'm telling you, one brave spirit, Dr. Thio, decide to stand out against all the shouting and drowned everyone with her excessive (but necessary) screaming. I have watched 'In Parliament' on TV that day, the first time in 14 years, not because all the shows are crap on Channel 8, but I want to see how did our Dr. Thio bring back, sense, logic and eloquence into the House. Something that you homosexuals sorely lack.

When Dr Thio told everyone about the similarity between being conservative and conservation, I was thumping violently on my chair until my old woman popped her head out of the kitchen to check if I had gone crazy. You see, I fully agree with Dr. Thio. With all these global-warming and pollution, it is important that we conserve our environment against carbon dioxide, toxic chemicals and homosexuals. Have you any idea how much emission levels of carbon dioxide we'll be able to cut down if all homosexuals in the world stopped breathing for a minute?

And I know you homosexuals clearly have a political agenda. Dr. Thio, on the other hand, doesn't. Simply because she cares for the majority of the Chri... I mean Singaporeans. What can she gain from all these? An award from the National Council of Churches? It's a thankless job I tell you. I sometimes pity my MP who had to stand at the mall entrance shaking hands with the public - he should be at home enjoying his dinner with the family! But then again, I only see that once every five years, so I guess it's ok lah.

Back to Dr. Thio. She's really not asking much. All she's asking is for you homosexuals to get out of her elite, uncaring fac... what? Wrong person?

And I know how abusive you homosexuals can get. How dare you complain about her young professor to her big boss? You want to make her lose her job is it? This young professor was carefully chosen as the 'Next Generation' protege to continue our crusade of gay-bashing. What right do you have in thwarting our Grand Plan for Greater Good? Which other lawyer can we ask to write to the Straits Times? They're all very busy you know.

I know the situation is a little different now, considering that Dr. Thio is now a political figure and so she can't just keep churning essays for the Straits Times Forum - that will run against our stand of not having a political agenda. I repeat - WE HAVE NO POLITICAL AGENDA. Why? Because we're not homosexuals.

I thumped violently on my chair again when Dr Thio said "[t]here are no ex-Blacks but there are ex-gays". How apt! How correct! You know, some homosexuals subsequently went on ranting about Michael Jackson being an ex-black. Hello!? Please think carefully before shooting your mouth off. Michael Jackson is NOT an ex-black; he's just a little tanned last time.

And I really had it when some homosexual wrote to her and said he wanted to piss on her grave. How dare you. HOW DARE YOU. I, on the other hand, would not even think about doing something like this. Do you know how far my house is from Lim Chu Kang cemetery? There is NO WAY I'm holding my bladder for that long.

In short, I want to say to Dr Thio, thank you. Thank you, Dr Thio. It's because of people like you we can continue to blame all the diseases and immorality on homosexuals; those sick, perverted people.

Now let's see if I can convince Lulu from Lorong 24 to do it raw tonight.

p/s Dr. Thio - your nose looks smaller on TV.