Saturday, Juiy 19, 2008

How To Be An Annoying Singaporean Male

Inspired by the Details article "Are You 'That Guy'", I have painstakingly compiled a list of annoying characteristics of the Typical Singaporean Male which we can't wait to roll our eyes at.

(1) You call your significant other your 'steady'.

(2) You own a Manchester United jersey.

(3) You wear your polo tee with the collar upturned.

(4) You own a pair of crocs.

(5) You own more than a pair of crocs.

(6) You own a pair of 3/4 pants.

(7) You think the Blackberry is the greatest device ever invented.

(8) You think Star Wars IV: A New Hope is the BEST. MOVIE. EVER.

(9) You spend hours hogging the seats at Borders on a Saturday night going through a stack of mags with your feet up. And you leave without buying anything.

(10) You wear a cardigan to work when it's 35 degrees outside.

(11) You spread your copy of the Straits Times wide open in a crowded train.

(12) You can't stop talking about army life, even though you 'hated it'.

(13) You write to the Straits Times Forum about poor service at your neighbourhood kopitiam char kway teow stall.

(14) You're the editor who actually allowed these letters to be published.

(15) You keep telling your friend what's going to happen next in the movie theatre.

(16) You have taken part in the Singapore Idol, or any of those Mediacorp contests, and is damn proud of it.

(17) You scratch your balls in public.

(18) You fantasized about a threesome with Xiaxue and Dawn Yang.

(19) Mark Lee is your idol.

20) You watched a Jack Neo movie, and you think Royston's "881" is a fantastic local production.

(21) You think 'Children of Heaven' is a rip-off of Jack Neo's 'Home Run'.

(22) You ask the taxi uncle to turn up the volume when they are announcing the Toto results.

(23) You own more skin care products than your significant other.

(24) You watch porn on the train.

(25) You make it known to others that you're watching porn on the train.

(26) You own a copy of 'The Best of John Williams'.

(27) You list Kenny G as 'classical' in your iPod.

(28) You belt out Starship's 'We Built This City' when you're stuck in a jam listening to Class 95.

(29) You listen to Class 95.

(30) You think Mark Richmond is so lucky to be snogging Beatrice Chia.

(31) You think Wong Li-Lin is hot.

(32) You think Allan Wu is hot.

(33) You prefer the treadmill over a run in the park because 'I don't like perspiration'.

(34) You wait in the cab line while calling for one.

(35) You stay clear of the pool. Instead, you stay glued to the deck chair for hours and hours.

(36) You drive across to JB for cheap groceries and then complain about the traffic condition.

(37) You have the word 'Mugen' plastered over your car.

(38) The colour of your bonnet is different from the rest of your car.

(39) You play 'November Rain' over and over and over again when you're depressed.

(40) Your hair is parted in the centre like Aaron Kwok in the 90s (gasp).

(41) You think your maid is part of your property.

(42) You let your kids run around like little monsters while thinking, 'Sigh, what lovable children I have'.

(43) You LOVED Tiger Beer (and their ads).

(44) You hang a pair of Chinese paintings next to your Ikea lamp and you declare that as 'a fine mix of traditionalism and modernism'.

(45) Your default typeface is Times New Roman.

(46) You're constantly amazed that what your Windows Vista can do.

(47) You buy plastic flowers and cute little clay figurine vases from Mustafa to decorate your house.

(48) You use a condom twice. Or thrice.

(49) You bump cigarettes off everyone because you're a 'casual smoker'.

(50) You give your male friends the 'I-bet-you-had-paid-sex-there' look when they told you they just came back from Bangkok.

(51) You voted for the PAP.

(52) You have your army uniform stored neatly in one corner of the room, and wear them once a week just to make sure they still fit.

(53) You still remember your drill commands in Malay and recite them to your friends.

(54) You think army combat ration is great.

(55) You update your Facebook status every 10 minutes.

(56) The only pictures you have of yourself are those taken by yourself (arm outstretched, awkward smile, etc).

(57) You think Sumiko Tan writes brilliantly and is a babe who just can't find true love.

(58) Your name is Nathan aka my ex-boss.