Sunday, November 2, 2008

I am possessed by Sumiko Tan.

Almost every other Sunday, you'd read about Singapore's most famous single woman - Sumiko Tan and her regular whin- excuse me - ramblings about the perils of a Single Asian Woman (SAW). I'd often imagine how incredibly repetitive and monotonous it must be complaining about your single life - but still I needed some assurance.

So I visited my local kee tang and requested that I be possessed with the Sumiko Tan Spirit so that I can churn out yet another incredible tale from Ms Tan's black book.

Oh don't worry Sumiko - this one's on me; and you're very welcome.

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Single All These Years
Sumiko Tan

While I was busy lambasting my (very junior) Urban editor the other day about how much the supplement is slowly disintegrating into something that people are having their nasi lemak on, I got a call from my mum.

(Just for the record, it is a known fact that people have their nasi lemak on the Classified Section.)

"Girl ah, I'm going for mahjong session tonight, you make your own dinner okay?" And then she hanged up.

I let out a long sigh. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Guess it's another evening by myself watching Channel 5 again. But lets suppose if I could make the Urban people stay back....

"Er, Sumiko? I have to go... I'm meeting my hubby for dinner tonight..." My (very junior) Urban editor pleaded.

"But what about improving Urban, my pet project? People are eating nasi lemak on it!" A single girl like me going hysterical isn't a very pretty sight.

"But, but... I'm not so much affected by it because I'm not a single woman."

I let out another long sigh and asked her to leave for dinner. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Why is it that single women are always the ones who sacrifice their love lives for their career? They have a life too. They need to be home at 8 to watch Calefare, ok!

So I went home alone, driving my BMW 730i alone, while listening to LushFM alone. Sometimes I try to convince myself that it is really unnecessary to be driving such a luxurious car (which I've only picked up 3 weeks ago - alone). I've often offered colleagues a ride out of the super-orbit and ultra-ulu Toa Payoh News Centre, but they have often declined. Is it because I'm single?

I opened the fridge and found two packets of instant noodles sitting there. I look across my kitchen window and saw my neighbour's family having a wholesome home-cooked meal. And me? Stuck with two packets of instant noodles.

Studies have found that single women who consume packets of instant noodles alone while watching their neighbours across the kitchen window tucking into wholesome meals are not likely to be very happy people. I can certainly attest to that. Although readers can probably tell by now that it is my standard practice to pull out some random statistical studies made by some vaguely-famous universities in the middle of my article, they would certainly understand my justification for that. I'm single, dammit.

So, where was I? Yes, the instant noodles. I decided to skip Calafare and watch my absolute favourite show of all time - Sex and the City (which I have sneaked into Singapore during a solo trip to Hong Kong. They key word here is SOLO. Alone. Solitary. Not-With-Anyone.) Carrie Bradshaw looks flawless and I'm sure a lot of women - including myself - find her to be an inspiration. She makes being single so amazing.

And here I am, having 2 packets of instant noodles and skipping Calefare.

I let out a long sigh. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

p.s. Next week I will talking about how a single woman like me, discovers to her sheer horror that there are no more packets of instant noodles left in her fridge. Did I mention the single woman part?

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